WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
