There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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