She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
