he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
