Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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