How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
