Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
