We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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