It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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