i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
