ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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