Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
