just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
