It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Welp...herpes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
