im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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