I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
