can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
