When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
