OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
only you would photoshop your dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
