I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
