if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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