I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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