remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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