Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize