Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
