My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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