i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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