The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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