So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
