im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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