Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
