Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
