i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
