you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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