Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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