all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
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Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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