i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
