Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
