Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
