Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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