This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
