stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
