I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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