What a fucking waste of an outfit
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
