I wish I only lived at night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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