I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
