Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
