I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
