I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
