Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize