we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
