just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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