is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
