you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
