I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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