I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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