At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
