My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
