I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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