dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
