You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
